Before I go

I thought I'd post up a week's worth of pictures before I go away for the weekend. Things have been happening way too fast. Way, way too fast.

My grandma had a fall on Monday. Old ladies + fall = bad news. So she was admitted to the hospital. In very bad shape. She was babbling. She couldn't move. She could hardly open her eyes. Half the back of her head was all bruised up. She had tubes and wires running all around and into her. It broke my heart to see her like that.

I stayed with her till she fell asleep. I took a walk outside. I saw my younger brother in the hospital chapel, reading the Bible quietly in a corner by himself. Maybe he said prayer, too. I wouldn't know.

I went out for a drink with Josh 2 nights later. He said to me, "Don't worry, be happy." Then he gave me a hug. I had to smile. It was an awfully sweet gesture. He knew I'd been collecting these colorful little rubber balls from those one ringgit dispensers. So he got another one for me to add to my *stillverysmall* collection.

I was in college for my re-enrolment yesterday. My final semester. So what do you know? I'll be a degree graduate after all. Not one of those sampah masyarakat that my teachers have told me over the years that I should never be. Whatever.

I went to see my grandma after that. And because the jockey parking was full, I parked outside the church. And walked in. Granny was in a good mood, she's getting better. She spent her lunch hour gossipping about the other people in her ward. And she made me laugh. Then when I left, I found a saman polis flapping under my car wiper *cursecurseswearswear*

I went for an intense recce session today. And guess what we found? Bright orange PVC settees. We spotted it a mile away. From inside the car. Cool stuff. The owner said it was about 30 years old. They were in excellent condition. Not even a scratch.

I thought I was the only one who's hallucinating in the Malaysian heat lately. And what with all the unnecessary events and saman polis...Turns out I wasn't the only one. Yu-Ming was having a conversation with Jon's wombat on the way to lunch today. Yay.

I'm too lazy to write about this. But try spot the driver behind the Frontier. Big car. For a small guy.

Oh well. I'm off to pack. Jon needs my Winnie the Pooh umbrella to shield his camera for Malakoff on Sunday. That's a lot of weight for me to carry all the way to JB. I'm fraid it'll be a waste of diesel to bring it along.

You know what? I have no idea what I'm saying. I think I'll head to bed. Good night.

My friend, Matthew

When Matthew left for Perth, my meetings with him were greatly reduced to about only once or twice a year. Still, he'd call me on my birthday each year, regardless of time zone and location.

Note by: Hey Matt I'm really sorry I couldn't remember having a conversation with you on the phone this year. I was really tired *blush*

I saw Matt again on Friday. He'd decided to "drop by" Malaysia on the way back to Perth. You see, he "drops by" on the way home to Botswana, too. Makes me thankful that Malaysia is so strategically located.

I don't know when I'll see him again. He said he might attend my convocation next year. But, well, plans will be plans. After all, we hadn't planned to meet on Friday.

Wanted

I got a call last night from someone saying that she heard from another someone, that some people have actually lodged a police report against me.

Yes. Me.

Reason being I have failed to submit the receipts for a certain job and I have apparently ran off with their money.

Yes. Me.

So I woke up this morning, and I met up with those people who have allegedly lodged a police report saying that I've somehow disappeared with a large sum of money. I handed the recipts over to him, and we both calculated them together a few times.

Turns out that they're the ones who are owing me money. And I was just told, "Don't go missing anymore alright? And don't do it again yeah? Now off you go~"

Yes. Me.

*cursecurseswearswear at the person who started the rumors*


Wanted. Definitely alive. Disappeared with large sum of money. Throw her in jail if found.

And they say she's so lucky

For the longest time, I'd wake up each morning feeling that I'm the luckiest person alive.

And then in recent weeks, I'd wake up with the most horrible feeling, exhausted, feeling sick, wondering where all that luck went. My eyes would hurt, my head would weigh a tonne, and it would literally hurt inside.

I miss feeling lucky. I really do.

Honestly, I am lucky. I know I am.

My friends have always been there, whether I wanted them or not. I've had the opportunity to work with some of the most amazing people I've ever met. I've seen many things, been to many places, done things that many people wouldn't have had the chance to.

I am lucky.

But why don't I feel lucky anymore?

Of late, work has been disappointing. People have been disappointing. I'm disappointing.

Someone told me that I've changed. And I don't think he meant it in a positive way. I knew what he was saying. I have changed.

And I don't like that change. It confuses me, it makes me afraid. It makes me tired of everything. It makes me tired of being me.

I want so badly to fuel that passion I have for what I do, what I love. I want so badly to wake up again feeling like I'm the luckiest person alive. I want to laugh, I want to skip, I want to be able to do just about anything with abandon again. Like a little girl.

I want to be that old me again. I want to wake up feeling like I'm the luckiest person alive again.

"If there's nothing missing in my life, then why do these tears come at night?"

Tired

I'm tired.

Of everything.

I want to go away.

I want to go home.

But I can't find my way back.

I don't even know where I started off from.

Signs

I thought I'd make a quickquickpost before I rush off to work.

So I post up pictures of random signs.

Because I can.

*runs off squealing in delight*

Of starlight and slitty eyes

I was at Starlight a couple of days ago watching Sepet. I must say, I enjoyed that movie through and through. And despite what Elaine said about the ending...I don't care, I liked it.

So I bumped into Raymond as I drove into the parking lot. He was holding an upside down sign that said "CAR PARK FULL". And a few people drove in anyway. That was only until Raymond held it right side up again. I was watching from afar. Then I skipped over happily and said to him, "Raymonddddddd, Isawwhatyoudidohkay. The sign was TERBALIKKKKK..."

Then I forced him to take a picture with me. For your information Raymond is a very nice boy ohkay. I'm serious.

I chose this picture because the one Josh took of us made me look like I had eyebags big enough to put all my panties in it. I think we both look nice in this one.

And then we had dinner at one of those cute little tables they set in the TGIF area. Tania and Josh had beer. I had water. Mainly because I had to take my medication. And beer so wouldn't go with antibiotics. Then Josh took a nicer picture of Tania and me. His way of redemption I guess.

Josh, if you're reading this, I think you take nice pictures ohkay? You take very nice pictures. You take nicer pictures than I do.

Then he took a nice picture of both of us, too, just to prove his point. In his words, I look really doe-eyed in this one. And it's one of the very rare few without him contorting his features.

"I must pose for pictures ohkay. Cannot is it?"

Whatever ohkay.

See? See? He looks nice when he's not making faces. Eh, wait. I think he's making a face in this one. Dammit.

Tania and I skipped into the movie/lounging with pillows and sleeping bags/cinema area with Josh's tikar. We plonked down right behind this couple who brought pillows and were already getting schmoozy with each other a good 30 minutes before the movie started. Awww...

Try spotting them in the picture. So the cosy man. All cuddly wuddly. I also want.

And then I used my 10x Optical Zoom camera and took a picture of the projector. The projector was actually quite far away from where we set up camp. So you can see why I had to use my 10x Optical Zoom camera. It's quite useful. Really. *burst into fit of giggles*

As most of you who know me would already know, I'm pretty much obsessed with all things related to film and pictures, moving or not.

Fastforwardskipskip.

The movie ends and my cheeks are salty with tears. Somewhere along the trip back to the car I heard Tania and Josh saying I was emo cos I was crying. And then somewhere along the LDP my mum called to ask about my trip to the clinic in the afternoon. Tania and Josh were bickering about something.

I asked them to shut up.

It had been a good way to end a week with. I had a nice time.