Just call me Saffron, will you?

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Wednesday, January 17, 2007


I did say I'm not posting here anymore.

But who says you can't find me there?

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Thank you, all

Dear all,

I know I have been away for far too long. But you know what? I like this extended absence. And, no, I don't think I'm obliged to tell you why I haven't been writing.

My 3 nights in the hospital had taught me a lot, humbled me in so many ways.

Now that I'm home, perhaps there is a lot more to life than just writing about me, me and me.

This blog had been a part of me for a good 2 years. So many pictures, so many words of comfort offered by friends and strangers when I'm feeling down.

But I guess all good things must come to an end.

And this is where I know, for sure, that I don't connect with emo writing anymore. That I don't creep up to the PC at 4.30am crying, blogging.

As much as the past should remain in the past, I don't think I will ever have the heart to delete this blog. I had always known that you can't just press backspace in life and erase the unpleasantness.

So this blog stays.

But I will go.

Perhaps one day, when I have trouble sleeping and I switch on the computer at 3am, I will write again.

Thank you for being with me in the past 200 posts. Thank you for your words of comfort and your random acts of kindness. Thank you for making me laugh and offering tissues when I bawl. Thank you for the days spent in the glorious sunshine and the rainy days that kept us indoors.

Thank you.

With much love,

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Press to detonate

11 months down, you still know which buttons to push.

And that other night, you pushed the ones that made me fall in love with you.

So, so long ago.

Just promise me you won't do that anymore.


Monday, September 25, 2006

Good day to you, too, asshole

If you're going to complain and whine about work and how I'm "not supposed to do this-and-that-to-you", please.

Just get out of my sight alright?

I don't have time for this. And even if I did, I don't need this shit.

Especially from you.

If you think I'm giving you too much work, then you obviously don't respect me as your superior.

Because you didn't show up the first day.

Came late the second day.

And sms-ed me early this morning saying you had some family emergency and can't come to work.

So, tell me. Is this how you work?

Or is this just how you work with me?

I may be younger in age and size. But I'll tell you what.

I was once where you were. And I had to do the same things you did.

Only, my fee then wasn't as much as yours. I didn't have the privilege to demand for what you're asking. Because back then, people don't earn that much. No matter how good they are.

I'll be honest with you. I'm not obliged to put up with this shit. So don't make it seem like I fucking owe you a living.

So, please.

Use your Goddamn common sense and review yourself before you think I'm incompetent/stupid/a pushover.

Because I had a fucking fever today and my face was and still is swollen. My ear hurts and I can't even talk properly.

I hope you're happy to know that I did all this for you.

Have a nice life.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Mind boggling issue

I've always wondered why is it that Korean actresses can cry without having their noses run. At all.

They don't sob. They breathe evenly. They still manage to make their speech coherent. And they actually look really pretty when they're crying.

On average, they cry 3 times in each episode, with each episode lasting about 48 minutes. And each crying session takes about a minute. And you don't see noses dripping. At all.

Amazing, isn't it?

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Wake me up when September ends

Not this year.

No, not this year.

September this year would be great, I know.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Seeing that I'd been taged by Faith ages ago, I think it's time to revive this almost-dead blog.


  1. Sean Penn
  2. Robbie Williams
  3. Dido
  4. Steve McCurry
  5. Blasco Giurato


  1. Mobile phone
  2. Camera
  3. Tank tops and shorts
  4. Cute slippers
  5. Family, friends and work


  1. Take better pictures
  2. Really go to Cambodia in December
  3. Have better eyesight
  4. Get my ass off this chair and do something useful
  5. Tell those people exactly what I think of them


  1. World peace =)
  2. The weather to be sunny on from the 13th September to the 16th September
  3. To have nicer teeth
  4. People to stop telling me I'm skinny
  5. To hit puberty (Ha ha ha)


  1. White Flag - Dido
  2. Walk the Line - Johnny Cash
  3. The Blower's Daughter - Damien Rice
  4. Cinema Paradiso - Ennio Morricone
  5. Alone - Shimokawa Mikuni


  1. (Hopefully) married
  2. Well-travelled =)
  3. Not doing monkey work and getting paid peanuts
  4. Fiddling with a (bigger) camera
  5. Smiling


  1. There is a reason behind the gap between my teeth. Just ask me
  2. I'm not girly, but I *heart* manicures and pedicures
  3. My spine is curved, has been since the day I was born
  4. Disco Ball Pixie is my latest obsession
  5. I love fireworks


  1. I am slightly more than 12 years old (just slightly)
  2. I don't have a temper at work
  3. I am a hardcore clubber and I know the clubbing scene at the back of my hand
  4. I drive like a maniac (I swear I don't)
  5. I am quiet (HAH!)


  1. Quant
  2. Elaine
  3. Albert
  4. Reta
  5. Jon Gordon

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Cleaning up my PC

I have too many pictures in my poor overloaded hard disk, you see.

I figured I shouldn't let pictures go to waste.

Friday, August 25, 2006

I, Robot

There was a time when I went "Oh, I must blog this."

Other times, I'd be composing blog entries moments before falling into deep slumber.

I started this blog because I knew that I can always say what I want to say. In here.

I can always seem to find words that will describe how I'm feeling. In here.

And then one day, the words stopped coming to me.

That one day must've been months ago.

Because somehow, I don't remember when, everything gets stuck inside. All the happiness, the sadness, the disappointments and waves of relief. All stuck.

The feelings that reminded me that the blood which courses through my veins is warm. The kind of feelings that made me human.

It's been such a long time since I've written anything remotely real.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Girls watch World Cup, too

I'd been busy, yes.

What with work, and end of semester in school and the World Cup.

Scoff if you want. I am, after all, a girl.

But then again, I'm probably a girl who's been watching football a lot longer than you have. And my football vocabulary might be a tad bigger than yours. If you'd like to know, no, my favorite player is not Fernando Torres or (ugh!) David Beckham or someone equally poster-boy.

I still do the occasional girly thing when I see closeups of players I happen to like on screen. But, yeah, that's just about it.

My team?

The Azzurri.

PS: Shut up if you think I'm supporting the team just because they're in the Finals/the players are handsome and Totti is to-die-for. You're not worthy of my time =)

Wednesday, June 14, 2006


Will be gone till further notice.

No, I didn't go fishing.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Blood ties

Shannon and Yong Wei were here last weekend with my aunt.

It had been ages since I last saw them.

Shannon's in Primary Three this year, Yong Wei in Primary Four.

My mum noted that Shannon looked a lot like I did when I was 9.

Scrawny, long-limbed, dark-skinned, boyish, with a body of a wannabe swimmer.

I liked that comparison.

We are, after all, family.

Yong Wei took after his mum in looks and in behavior. And Shannon, after her daddy, who is my cousin Xiang.

I remember when Yong Wei was a tiny screaming baby who wouldn't sleep if there was no air conditioning. I remember when he was barely a month old and my brother and I noticed the similarities between our nephew and Crayon Shin. I remember when he first addressed me as his aunt when he was a wee toddler.

I remember that one time, before Shannon was born, when Yong Wei wouldn't fall asleep until his mum held him close and whispered into his ear that Daddy and Mummy loved him.

I met Shannon before she turned two. She'd just rolled out of bed and had wandered downstairs alone. It was as if time stood still for a moment when we all caught sight of the toddler looking sleepily at us. And then she broke into a shy, dimpled grin that made me fall in love.

Their childhood is pretty much like the one I had with my older brother. School holidays were spent visiting my aunt and her family in Singapore. They'd take us to tourist spots, feed us well, and always, always made sure we went to the Science Center.

There was one year when we made our usual visit and my cousin Xiang was serving his term in the army. 11 years my senior, I had been so fascinated, just watching him polish his boots and lacing them up before we all made our way to the bus stop. Xiang had held my hand when we were crossing the road, and I remember the pride I felt when people looked our way. That's my cousin Xiang holding my hand, see, and looking all handsome and grown up in his army uniform. I was pretty attached to Xiang as a child. And I'd make him give me piggyback rides sometimes. He told me horror stories that he'd heard in the army on the nights that I'd insisted on sleeping in his bedroom. Sometimes, he'd show me pictures from his photo albums. Always with a different girl.

For the years that my brother and I had stayed with them whenever we were in Singapore, it's funny how Xiang's children are staying with us now whenever they come to Malaysia. It's like a cycle, that Xiang's children do the exact same things with us, just like my brother and I did with him.

When they were here last weekend, I regretted not having enough time to spend with them. I have 2 papers to sit for on Monday, you see. So I couldn't very well go gallivanting around town with them, though I think I'd have loved it if I did.

I did, however, manage to do a spot of camwhoring with them. And it made me see how these 2 have grown. Shannon could work my camera on her own after fiddling with it for a couple of minutes. Yong Wei, on the other hand, was playing the older brother who obliged his sister's commands to pose for the camera.

At one point of time, Shannon had asked if she could review the pictures she'd taken. I showed her. And she came across an old picture that I've kept.

The conversation went like this:

Shannon: Who's that?
Me: That's my ex boyfriend.
Shannon: What about now?
Me: No more.
Shannon: Did you get a divorce?
Me: No, I didn't. It's called breaking up. We weren't married.
Shannon: So why did you break up?
Me: Because he was leaving for another country.
Shannon: So you broke up just because he was leaving?
Me: Yes.
Shannon: But that's such a minor problem. You could work it out and stay together.

It broke my heart to have it come from my own niece. I would've laughed on any other given day. But I didn't. Because the parents of the little girl sitting on my lap were divorced.

The divorce had been bitter, and Xiang had custody of the children. But life hadn't been a bed of roses for them.

"Mummy said she'd come see us this weekend. But I'm tired of waiting. I think she lied to me again. I don't think I'll believe her anymore," Yong Wei once said to me a couple of years ago.

These were children who had been through a lot more than I have. Children who had been burdened with secrets that were never theirs to begin with. Children who had been threatened with death if they ever spoke of those secrets. These are children who had grown up being fed with half-truths, and being let down with countless broken promises. These are children who were mature beyond their years, who had grown up way too fast. These are children who blamed themselves for the divorce of their parents.

These are children, who never knew what it really is like being children.

I haven't seen Xiang in a few years. I wonder how he's doing. I want him to know that I've paid everything forward, that I love his kids as much as he loved me.

Shannon, Yong Wei, it is my privilege to have you two as my nephew and my niece. You have both taught koo-koo many things in life that koo-koo has taken for granted. You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be.

There are so many reasons I love these two. Reasons that extend beyond our blood ties.

So much damage had been done to them, and I don't know if they can ever be reversed. So much hurt inflicted that I wonder if they will ever heal. So much more broken than I had ever been. So many secrets contained in minds that had been aged with circumstances.

It's not fair that they had been robbed of the privilege of being children.

I would give everything I have, if only they can have a childhood like mine.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Life Sentence

The worst possible way to be sentenced.


Thursday, June 01, 2006


That special kind of feeling.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Making of a commercial

Someone sent me this the other day. Helped relieve the exam stress a little. And all you advertising people, let's all join hands because we all know it's true.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

*fidget fidget*

With the exams just around the corner, I'm starting to feel more than edgy.

I fidget so much that I don't think it's possible for my chair to ever get warm.

While I've not launched into a full panic attack mode yet, I don't quite like what I'm feeling now.


Hidup seorang mahasiswi.

Monday, May 29, 2006


Of course lah emo. Just found out that exams are in exactly 7 days, and not 9 days as I had happily been counting down. Tiu.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

No longer a Thai Club virgin

I've never stepped foot in Thai Club until last night.

And let me tell you, I might never go back there again.

Kan I budak baik, tak pergi clubbing.
*I'm a decent girl, I don't go clubbing.

So, anyway.

Thai Club.

I think it's a place built for Ah Bengs with turned up collars and imitation Italian shoes. That are so shiny they're almost reflective.

It's also for foreign white men who want to get their hands on our post surgery women and ladyboys . READ: Cheapskate foreign white men who want someone else to warm up their hotel beds for them.

There was this woman. She had such a bad nose job that I swear I'd rather die than traumatize anyone looking like that.

See, I'm not being subjective by saying she had a bad nose job. Ask Emily and Sharon. They'll say the same thing. No Chinese woman would have a nose that looks exactly like the one MJ has after his numerous reconstructions.

Wait. Screw that.

No human being would have an MJ nose without surgery.

So, yeah, this woman with the nose job, she was all over this white man, and she was pressing herself against him and smiling like a demure Asian woman would.

Now, this white man. I reckon that he's not all that popular with the ladies back home, wherever he came from. He looked like the kind of guy that got beaten up regularly in high school.

Right behind our table, was this couple.

The guy looked a little younger than my dad. Surly. I'm assuming he's about 40.

Seated right beside him, is a ladyboy who had one hand dangerously close to his nether regions.

I'm not sure if her surgery is 100% complete, but she still looked extremely manly to me.

The people seated on our left, they kept trying to hit on the girls in our group. And, no lah, we're not interested in Ah Bengs, ohkay? Besides, I'm sure conversations between us won't last 3 seconds.

Sharon had to share her crown with another girl who occupied the table right in front of ours with her group of very rowdy friends.

This girl, she was extremely friendly with everyone. I don't know how much she had to drink, but she almost kissed me on my mouth when I was only about to shake her hand to wish her a polite birthday greeting.

I would've loved people-watching the entire night, but I had to pretend to be slightly drunk and swaying my non-existent hips to the crappy music they were churning out. The ladyboy caught me stealing glances at her and I was afraid that she might just come over to beat me up.

Since I couldn't turn around anymore, I had to limit my scope to only 180 degrees. That's when I caught the nose job woman staring daggers at me. Apparently, the white man was subtly trying to gain my attention with her hanging on his arm.


Only 90 degrees left now.

Due to dangers that might lead to horrible catfights, my scope of vision for the entire night was limited to watching 2 Ah Bengs and 1 Ah Lian do the Melbourne Shuffle to YMCA.

Yay to Thai Club.

Oh, I'm sure the white man scored that night because I saw the woman with the nose job getting into a taxi with him when we left.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

CNY 2006 Penang Road Trip Pt. 7

Emily goes parasailing. I didn't get a video of myself cos Emily didn't know how to use the video mode on my camera. Phbbt.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Lancer teases Monster

My Little Monster was teased by a sleek looking champagne colored Lancer on the road.

All the way from Puchong right up till USJ.

I should have listened to my mum when she insisted I switched back to a stock exhaust pipe.

But, no. I had to use that Milo tin on the road. Tsk.

Unwanted attention.

The guy in the Lancer was good looking, though =)

And I saw him glancing at his rearview mirror a few times when he was teasing my Little Monster to get closer to his Lancer =)

Is good looking. Is many good.

*sprinkles confetti at you*