Just call me Saffron, will you?

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Sunday, July 17, 2005

And they say she's so lucky

For the longest time, I'd wake up each morning feeling that I'm the luckiest person alive.

And then in recent weeks, I'd wake up with the most horrible feeling, exhausted, feeling sick, wondering where all that luck went. My eyes would hurt, my head would weigh a tonne, and it would literally hurt inside.

I miss feeling lucky. I really do.

Honestly, I am lucky. I know I am.

My friends have always been there, whether I wanted them or not. I've had the opportunity to work with some of the most amazing people I've ever met. I've seen many things, been to many places, done things that many people wouldn't have had the chance to.

I am lucky.

But why don't I feel lucky anymore?

Of late, work has been disappointing. People have been disappointing. I'm disappointing.

Someone told me that I've changed. And I don't think he meant it in a positive way. I knew what he was saying. I have changed.

And I don't like that change. It confuses me, it makes me afraid. It makes me tired of everything. It makes me tired of being me.

I want so badly to fuel that passion I have for what I do, what I love. I want so badly to wake up again feeling like I'm the luckiest person alive. I want to laugh, I want to skip, I want to be able to do just about anything with abandon again. Like a little girl.

I want to be that old me again. I want to wake up feeling like I'm the luckiest person alive again.

"If there's nothing missing in my life, then why do these tears come at night?"


2 Comments:

  • sometimes we need to hang in there for a while, when the feelings we trust the most don't seem to come anymore.

    Don't give up. Most of the time it's just a phase we need to drag ourselves through,

    By Blogger tim, at 5:39 PM  

  • I know, Tim...it's just the moments when I'm in that shitpile that it's difficult to get out of it...

    By Blogger Shavain, at 1:00 PM  

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