I do not wonder

How does it feel like to look seaward expectantly
and find your worst fears confirmed?

How does it feel to have a loved one, or maybe even just an acquaintance,
taken away?

What is it like, to be standing here one moment,
and swept away the next?

What do people think about,
seconds before darkness falls?

What is it like, saying goodbye in the morning
and not knowing it meant forever?

I wonder.

And then I stop.

Because I don't know. And I hope I never will.

My 25th of December 2004

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE~~

*runs around sprinkling confetti everywhere*

So, anyway. I had a very good Christmas this year (and to think it's not even over yet...yayyy~~). I spent the eve of Christmas with Elaine at a restaurant that sells the yummiest food *swoons and starts drooling*. Check out what I had for dinner. Heh.

I had turkey with stuffing and cranberry sauce, broccoli and baby carrots and rice with slices of olives *slurp*

And then (that wouldn't be all, would it?), I also had dessert. It was the best-est chocolate fudge I ever had. I swear. See for yourself if you don't believe me.



Chocolate fudge with crunchy walnuts topped with a scoop of vanilla ice cream and smothered in thick, rich, creamy chocolate sauce

See? I told you dinner was good *smiles with satisfaction*.

We both adjourned to Elaine's place and finished a bottle of wine while waiting for the minutes to tick by slowly so we can stop sipping from our glasses just long enough to look at each other and say, "Is Merry Christmas ohkay? Is MERRY CHRISTMAS~~"

As if that wasn't good enough, I came home and found a paper bag sitting on my bed.

"Dearest Jie-jie/Ju-rui, Merry Christmas. From Joel and Mummy."

Awwwww...wasn't that sweet? My Mum and my younger brother got me Christmas presents, too~! I found an OSIM Eye Massager from my Mum (see? She's so thoughtful she knew I'd need it with all the late nights I put up with), a baby blue tee from my younger brother, and 2 books (which I know will prove to be very useful in my daily dealings), also from my Mum.

And then, I met up with Tania today after weeks of not seeing her, and she gave me a lily. *Starts swooning again at the thought of receiving flowers...and lilies at that~*

See? See? I told you I had a good Christmas *grins widely*. It wasn't about the presents, or the fancy (and scrumptious) dinner (plus dessert) I had. It was the fact that I had spent it with the people that I care about that made it more special.

A very Merry Christmas to all. Hope you're having a nice one, and do look forward to a great year ahead.

Job Description

I've been asked many times what exactly it is I do when I work. And I'm tired of explaining. See for yourselves *points at all of you who have asked*.


Sometimes, I sit in the background and have tea with the extras =)


While the DOP and the director are busy...


...Adli the Best Boy Grip is sleeping...


...and so is you-know-who~!

Maritess vs. the Superfriends

Someone sent this to my mailbox today. For those of you who are having a slow/boring/frustrating day at work, do give this a try. You might want to put on your headphones, though.

To my ex-Friend

*I'm too chicken to say all these things to his face. So I wrote a letter to him*

Dear you,

I've heard somewhere that with age comes wisdom. Apparently, that didn't apply to you.

You should know very well that if you ask people for favors, you are expected to return them one day when favors are needed. The favors you have asked from me have taken up my time, energy, hours of sleep, brain space, and money. You have unwittingly caused a strain in my friendship with someone I really care about. You have criticized my work to no end because you think yours is a lot better.

You know what? With all honesty, I've never liked your work. Not only are they highly "abstract", as you put it, they are also stuff that loads of people will never bother to understand. Simply because they don't find it worth their time.

If you introduce me as a friend, do remember to treat me like one. Friends do not take advantage of my resources. Friends do not make use of my contacts. Friends will not push me around. Friends will call up just to say hello and not only when they need my help. Friends do not promise to meet up and then bail out on me. Repeatedly.

Dreams are good. But for your sake (and also age), I think it's time to wake up and smell the coffee. Please grow up.

Oh yes. The next time you ask me to drive out at night alone to meet you again, I hope I'll have enough courage to tell you that you should go fly a kite before I do it.

Sincerely,
Your ex-friend

My brother. Born again.

Seconds before a new life

Two weekends ago, I was practically dragged out of bed after mere hours of drifting in and out of sleep. Armed with my camera and still in the midst of combing out my frizzy hair, I was packed into the backseat of my Dad's Civic along with my mum and my younger brother, Joel.

That day was a special day. Except that I can't exactly feel how special it is when I'm still rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

Focus. FOCUS. It's a special day today.

Of course, focus had double meaning that day. My mind refused to stay focused when all I wanted was to crawl back into bed on that Sunday morning. Also, I was having trouble focusing with my zoom lens. My vision was way too blurry. Not good.

I fell asleep for about 25 seconds before I opened my eyes and saw a massive crowd of churgoers at DUMC. I felt a blush creep into my cheeks.

Haven't been to Sunday celebration in a long time, eh? I could almost swear I heard a small voice inside my head planting seeds of guilt in my cottony mind.

The next 10 minutes went by in a blur. I was introduced to the pastor. I said hello to a couple of Joel's friends. Someone welcomed me to his/her (I don't remember) church. The usher gave me a sermon tape. "Is it bright enough? Did you bring enough film? Can you see anything from here? Do you want to move up front?" I vaguely heard my mum ask as I settled down in my seat and started fumbling with my camera.

Fast forward an hour. I started clicking away. I felt like a papparazzi. I dodged, I maneuvered around a few hundred people (I'm not exaggerating because there were over 2000 people attending service that day), I was asked to go back to my seat and through all that, someone had left a fingerprint on my lens.

In my dreamlike state, I heard my mum sniffle. When I glanced over, I saw that her eyes were glistening with tears. She was very proud of Joel, I knew. It all happened so fast. Three seconds. Joel walked out dripping wet, with a huge grin on his face. My mum handed him a towel and gave him a hug.

Her baby boy. Reborn. All grown up now.

True, I wasn't in the best state of mind at that time. But I was glad I was asked to take pictures of my baby brother's baptism. I was glad I went for Sunday celebration that day. I was glad I was there to witness that important landmark in my brother's life.

I walked out of church that day with my heart feeling a hundred times lighter. I felt like I could breathe. That veil that had been covering my eyes for the past few weeks had strangely disappeared.

And when I looked at my baby brother, he seemed like a new person to me.

Congratulations upon your baptism, Joel. I'm proud of you.

Quiz for the Soul

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you awy from this world So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all... But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life. Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Analog and Digital

Like a lost child

This picture is photographed by Phang yesterday using my Olympus OM2000.

I love my manual SLR. It's nothing fantastic, I know. But it's a good camera. Seriously.

I still remember the excitement I felt bubbling inside me when I first held the OM2000 in my hands. Six months old, it was a little heavy in my untrained hands. Yes, it wasn't brand new, and yes, it did have tiny scratches on it.

But it's mine. All mine.

I didn't even know how to function the camera properly then, let alone change the lenses or adjust the aperture and shutter speed and whatnots. Everything about the camera was foreign to me then. There were funny knobs and levers and buttons everywhere. Even the flash came in a separate little pouch. Nothing made sense to me.

A couple of weeks after I got the camera, I braved myself to use it. Of course, the first roll turned out bad. Really, really bad. Everything was off-focus, the shutter speed was all wrong, the pictures were badly lit and there wasn't any depth in the pictures I took.

It was only after that first disastrous roll that I discovered this wonderful three-legged stranger called the tripod. And that manuals cameras are simply manual, right down to the focusing and rewinding of film. Friends taught me about depth of field and shutter speed and I took it from there.

Trial and error had never been more fun. Almost 2 years since I first set sight on my OM2000, it still performs like it's new. It hasn't failed me so far (except for the time I had to replace the batteries in the flash adapter).

There's just something about capturing images on film using a manual camera that I can't quite explain (no offense to all digital camera users out there). There's a certain richness, a certain texture, a certain feel in film that digital cameras cannot achieve.

As convenient (and compact and cheap) as digital cameras are, I honestly hope that they won't replace film cameras completely.

Just call me Saffron, will you?

Just call me Saffron. Seriously.

I look like a 12-year-old pre-pubescent boy. I'm serious. It's the haircut. It has to be *looking around desperately for more excuses but finds none*.

I've been called everything from a mushroom to a Jap chick wannabe.

No good.

Here's what my younger brother had to say about my hair.

You know, Jeh, I think Elvis should've just put a bowl on your head and sliced your hair off with a really sharp blade.

Jeh, why don't you wear some bright colored clothes and take those Jap chick Friendster pictures? You know...those with their tongue sticking out, winking and doing that peace sign thing?

Aiyoh, Jeh. I don't want my friends to start asking me where this younger sister came from ohkay?

Uh-huh. Right. By the way, thanks for your support.

Oh yes. Today's picture is hosted by Photobucket. Thank you, Daryl for, uh, fixing the thingamajig for me when Hello had trouble uploading my images.