Just call me Saffron, will you?

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Tuesday, April 05, 2005

I had a dream

You were in it. And so was he.

Horrible, horrible dream.

I tried to tell you in my dream, as I did so many times while I was awake.

"Not a very nice person," I said to you.

You threw your head back. And you laughed at me. You laughed at me the way you always do when you thought I was being silly. The same way you did when you first told me what a cartoon I am.

Listen to me. Stay away. Please.

You dismissed my pleas with a swift wave. "He's a nice person," you say to me with a sureness that stemmed from being blood brothers with him.

And so I gave up, exhausted. How your words stung my wounded soul. It hurt, even in my dream.

Somewhere inside, I thought I heard something inside me crack. Perhaps it was that wall you were always talking about. That one wall I'd built that separates the person that I was then, and the person that I am right now.

I woke up crying. Alone. Unsure.

In my waking moments spent with you, it has always been a daily struggle to tell you about it. And then I knew, that not only do words get stuck in my throat when I look at you, ashamed of what I was; it haunts me in my dreams, too.

It is my wish that you'll never have to know. It is my wish that the day never comes when I'll have to tell you.


  • joyjoy,i hope ur feeling better!*hugs*

    By Blogger Ivy, at 5:37 AM  

  • Sounds serious and deep...I wonder what this is all about...And I hope things will work out well for u.

    By Blogger Chin Hor, at 8:09 AM  

  • Hope this doesn't bother you any further than the post itself.

    Hope you'll be alright.

    By Blogger Broken Scar, at 6:37 PM  

  • Hey Ivy, thanks =). I don't feel too crappy, actually. The dream was like a mild irritant to me, a little like shampoo in my eyes. Nothing that time doesn't cure =), but thank you anyway.

    Korkor, it was a dream, a fleeting subconscious thought that made me think a little too much, but all is well, yeah? *hugs* Thank you.

    It stops there, Broken Scar. Nothing goes beyond it. And I am alright, thank you =). We go for a movie one day, yeah?

    By Blogger Shavain, at 12:06 AM  

  • Hey, glad to hear that you're alright now. It was a deep post.

    By Blogger Wimal, at 8:03 PM  

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